Welcome to SA!
We are glad you are here. If you identify with us and think you may share our problem, we would like to share our solution with you. Newcomers like yourself often have a lot of questions about our program. We will attempt to answer some of them.
What is SA?
We are a fellowship of men and women who share our experience, strength and hope with each other that we may solve our common problem of sexual addiction and help others to recover. Our primary purpose is to stay sexually sober and help other sexaholics to achieve sexual sobriety.
What is Sexual Sobriety?
In defining sobriety, we do not speak for those outside of Sexaholics Anonymous. Sexual sobriety for sexaholics of our type means no sex with ourselves and no sex with any partner other than the spouse. In SA’s sobriety definition, the term “spouse” refers to one’s partner in a marriage between a man and a woman. Sexual sobriety also means progressive freedom from the many forms of sexual thinking and stimulation and lust that enter our lives. This freedom is found by remaining sober and by using our Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in our daily lives. (See the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)
Is SA Group Therapy?
SA is not a form of sex therapy or group therapy. SA meetings are conducted by SA members using our meeting guidelines. There are no professional leaders at an SA meeting. SA is a program of recovery from lust and sexual addiction based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Whatever problems we bring to SA, we share a common solution - the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of recovery practiced in fellowship on the foundation of sexual sobriety.
How Can I Become A Member?
All who believe they may have a problem with lust are welcome to attend SA meetings. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober.
We live in the solution!
We practice a positive sobriety, taking the actions of love to improve our relationships with others. We are learning how to give; and the measure we give, is the measure we get back. We are finding what none of the substitutes had ever supplied. We are making the real Connection. We are home.
Where is CASA located?
Capital Area Sexaholics Anonymous (CASA) hosts the SA meetings in Washington, DC and nearby counties in Virginia and Maryland.
Am I a Sexoholic?
Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
That you’d be better off if you didn’t keep “giving in”?
That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can’t cope?
Do you feel guilt, remorse or depression afterward?
Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?
Do you keep going from one “relationship” or lover to another?
Do you feel the “right relationship” would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
Do you have a destructive need—a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
Do you lose time from work for it?
Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?
Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?
The Problem and the Solution
Many of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outsides of others.
Early on, we came to feel disconnected—from parents, from peers, from ourselves. We tuned out with fantasy and masturbation. We plugged in by drinking in the pictures, the images, and pursuing the objects of our fantasies. We lusted and wanted to be lusted after.
We became true addicts: sex with self, promiscuity, adultery, dependency relationships, and more fantasy. We got it through the eyes; we bought it, we sold it, we traded it, we gave it away. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, the forbidden. The only way we knew to be free of it was to do it. “Please connect with me and make me whole!” we cried with outstretched arms. Lusting after the Big Fix, we gave away our power to others.
This produced guilt, self-hatred, remorse, emptiness, and pain, and we were driven ever inward, away from reality, away from love, lost inside ourselves.
Our habit made true intimacy impossible. We could never know real union with another because we were addicted to the unreal. We went for the “chemistry,” the connection that had the magic, because it by-passed intimacy and true union. Fantasy corrupted the real; lust killed love.
First addicts, then love cripples, we took from others to fill up what was lacking in ourselves. Conning ourselves time and again that the next one would save us, we were really losing our lives.
We saw that our problem was three-fold: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Healing had to come about in all three.
The crucial change in attitude began when we admitted we were powerless, that our habit had us whipped. We came to meetings and withdrew from our habit. For some, this meant no sex with themselves or others, including not getting into relationships. For others it meant “drying out” and not having sex with the spouse for a time to recover from lust.
We discovered that we could stop, that not feeding the hunger didn’t kill us, that sex was indeed optional! There was hope for freedom, and we began to feel alive. Encouraged to continue, we turned more and more away from our isolating obsession with sex and self and turned to God and others.
All this was scary. We couldn’t see the path ahead, except that others had gone that way before. Each new step of surrender felt it would be off the edge into oblivion, but we took it. And instead of killing us, surrender was killing the obsession! We had stepped into the light, into a whole new way of life.
The fellowship gave us monitoring and support to keep us from being overwhelmed, a safe haven where we could finally face ourselves. Instead of covering our feelings with compulsive sex, we began exposing the roots of our spiritual emptiness and hunger. And the healing began.
As we faced our defects, we became willing to change; surrendering them broke the power they had over us. We began to be more comfortable with ourselves and others for the first time without our “drug.”
Forgiving all who had injured us, and without injuring others, we tried to right our own wrongs. At each amends more of the dreadful load of guilt dropped from our shoulders, until we could lift our heads, look the world in the eye, and stand free.
We began practicing a positive sobriety, taking the actions of love to improve our relations with others. We were learning how to give; and the measure we gave was the measure we got back. We were finding what none of the substitutes had ever supplied. We were making the real Connection. We were home.